I stole this 'tag'

I stole this from Jenny Rosengren. I hope she doesn't mind.

Angela's responses:

1.What is something mom always says to you? Don't push the buttons that are in my bathroom.

2. What makes mom happy? Obeying her.

3. What makes mom sad? Throwing a fit.

4. How does mom make you laugh? Doing funny things.

5. What was mom like as a child? Kids.

6. How old is your mom? I don't know.

7. How tall is your mom? Bigger than me and taller than me.

8. What is your mom's favorite thing to do? Wrestle.

9. What does your mom do when you’re not around? Um -- do the dishes.

10. If your mom becomes famous, what will it be for? I don't know.

11. What is your mom really good at? A lot of stuff.

12. What is your mom not very good at? Not kids' stuff.

13. What does your mom do for a job? A lot of things.

14. What is your mom's favorite food? I don't know.

15. What makes you proud of your mom? Telling me to do the laundry.

16. If your mom were a cartoon character, who would it be? I don't know.

17. What do you and your mom do together? Family!

18. How are you and your mom alike? We have blue eyes and the same skin.

19. How are you and your mom different? Not having the same hair.

20. How do you know your mom loves you? Taking her flowers.

Elizabeth's responses:

1.What is something mom always says to you? Clean up my room.

2. What makes mom happy? Playing.

3. What makes mom sad? Not cleaning up our room.

4. How does mom make you laugh? Lots of things.

5. What was mom like as a child? A kid.

6. How old is your mom? 31.

7. How tall is your mom? I don't know.

8. What is your mom's favorite thing to do? Playing with us.

9. What does your mom do when you’re not around? Work.

10. If your mom becomes famous, what will it be for? I don't know.

11. What is your mom really good at? Making her bed.

12. What is your mom not very good at? Being a kid.

13. What does your mom do for a job? I don't know.

14. What is your mom's favorite food? Apple Jacks!

15. What makes you proud of your mom? Playing Candy Land.

16. If your mom were a cartoon character, who would it be? Elina.

17. What do you and your mom do together? Wrestle.

18. How are you and your mom alike? We have the same skin.

19. How are you and your mom different? Have different eyes.

20. How do you know your mom loves you? Showing your love.

Memories

1. As a comment on my blog, leave one memory that you and I had together. It doesn't matter if you knew me a little or a lot, anything you remember!

2. Next, re-post these instructions on your blog and see how many people leave a memory about you. It's actually pretty funny to see the responses. If you leave a memory about me, I'll assume you're playing the game and I'll come to your blog and leave one about you. If you don't want to play on your blog, or if you don't have a blog, I'll leave my memory of you in my comments.

The best and worst parts of motherhood

Here are some things I wouldn't mind never hearing again:

"Come see my poop!"

"I don't like your dinner."

"Do we have to?"

"You're not my best friend!"

(From the kitchen) "Waterfall!"

"I wanted to win!"


But there are good things too, and I can't hear these often enough:

"I love my toys, and I love my books, but I love my family the best."

"You're my sister, and my best friend."

"I need snuggles and loves!"

"Good night. Sleep well. See you in the morning. I love you!"

"I'm thankful for my family."

"I want to hug and kiss you!"

Family portraits

These are already on the new Johnson/Brown blog, but I had to put them here too.

Our newest family portrait:


And a long-lost wedding picture:



Who drew these? Hint: the girl with the most detail in the drawing of the whole family is the artist herself.

Such a long time

Too long since I've updated!

I have so many pictures to share that I'm including a link to the web album, instead of posting all 60 pictures here. I couldn't narrow it down.

Kids outside

These pictures are from the last week, of the kids playing at the park and other places. Enjoy!

NEWS: Elizabeth's top front left tooth is loose.


Dinnertime conversation last night, as Angela refused to stay in her seat or loosen her fingers from my neck, all the while yelling "You're not listening to me!":

Me: Are you attention-starved?
Angela: Uh-UH!
Me: You're not? Then how do you act when you are?
Angela: I'm nice. And bad.

This morning:

Angela: I have a haddock!
Me: Oh, no! Where is your headache, honey? Where does it hurt?
Angela: On my forehead and on my head that has hair.
Elizabeth: That's the same head, Angela.

Tagged!

8 Things I am Passionate About:

1. My children
2. My husband
   
3. Childbirth
4. Reading
5. My religion
6. Music
7. Nature
8. Word games
   

8 Songs I Could Listen to Over and Over Again and Never Get Sick of:

1. Constellations ~ Jack Johnson
2. Santa Monica ~ Everclear
3. Blackbird ~ anyone, though my dad's version is my favorite
   
4. The Spangle-Maker ~ Cocteau Twins
   
5. Better People ~ Xavier Rudd
6. 1/1 ~ Music for Airports, Brian Eno
7. When You See a Hot Dog Flower ~ Angela Johnson
8. Follow The Prophet ~ Elizabeth Johnson
   

The Past 8 Books I Have Read:

1. The Wide Window
   
2. The Magician's Nephew
3. A Passage to India
   
4. Nights of Rain and Stars
   
5. The Host
   
6. Book of a Thousand Days
   
7. The Omnivore's Dilemma
8. A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man
   

8 Things I Say Often:

1. "Does that make sense?"
2. "Time for a time out!"
3. "No," usually in response to a question that begins "Do you remember...?"
4. "Too many cooks make light work!"
5. "For crying out loud!!"
   
6. "What shall we hang, the holly or ourselves?"
   
7. "When it rains, it snows."
8. "I love you too."
   

8 Things That Attract Me to a Friend:

1. Honesty
2. Wittiness
3. Haiku and limerick ability
4. Intellectual capacity
5. Level of culture
6. Openness
7. Understanding of and appreciation for grammar
   
8. A belief in mysticism, even if it is very slight
   

8 Random Things About Me:

1. I don't mind cleaning toilets, but doing the dishes drives me absolutely crazy.
2. My favorite parts of the natural world are waterfalls. My next favorite are forests.
3. I would appreciate a taco at 2 am more than just about any other thing I can think of. But I don't think my love language is food.
4. I'm frustrated by my utter inability to find someone -- anyone -- with similar tastes in music, film, and literature. Really, people. I know I'm not the weird one here.
5. My favorite word right now is "liturgy," but I have no occasion to use it.
6. I very rarely dream at night anymore. I haven't since my children are born. I'm kind of worried about that.
7. I'm still proud of that time we played Boggle, and I was doing so well that we made a rule that I could only put down five-letter words, and I still did great. That was fun, but now no one wants to play Boggle with me.
8. I dilute my chocolate ice cream with milk and mash it into a kind of thick milkshake in my bowl. I love chocolate ice cream, but I can't eat it any other way.

8 Things I Want to Do Before I Die:

1. Be in an ensemble for a musical. No starring roles, just onstage, singing with the company.
2. Go to Italy.
3. Hear Dr. Michel Odent speak in person.
4. Get a Masters degree.
5. See a bald eagle and a male kestrel in the wild.
6. Hike The Subway or The Narrows and the Havasupai trail.
   
7. Attend a doula conference.
   
8. Tune my cello without fear.
   

8 Things I Have Learned This Past Year:

1. If you aren't honest with yourself, you cannot be honest with anyone about anything.
2. I can successfully plan and pull off a huge conference event! But I don't want to do it ever again!
3. I am a pretty good doula.
4. My gut instinct/intuition is usually correct.
5. I am unusual in ways I never before suspected. I experience the world in a way that is largely unique. Most people don't have the same perspective or connections I have. I never imagined this was so.
6. The key to survival is not doing everything yourself: it's delegation.
7. Very small things, when kept bottled up, can become painful at best and insurmountable at worst.
8. You can't ever assume that you know what someone else is thinking or feeling. Always ask.
   

People I Tag:

I'd love to read your responses. If you'd like to do this fun exercise in exposure and self-indulgence, please do! Just let me know in my comments so I can read your answers.

Two days, two births, two amazing moms

I make a point not to publish much about my clients' birth experiences, to protect their privacy. You never know what details someone might be hesitant to share.

This week, I managed a total of 19 hours of labor support over a day and a half, for two mothers. Their babies were born 15 hours apart. Both were incredible experiences, for me, their doula, and hopefully even more so for the moms and dads.

One mother was in labor for twenty-four hours before she was dilated and pushing. She began labor at 10:30 pm Monday night and had her baby just after midnight on Wednesday morning.

Later on Wednesday, my other client's water broke. Her baby was born around 3:30 pm.

I had prayed that these two women, who were both overdue, would not go into labor at the same time. I prayed that their labors would not overlap. They didn't, though I realized later that their babies were born on the same day.

The positive experiences far outweighed the negative ones. In fact, I can't remember much negativity at all.

The best parts for me were:

• Both women used spontaneous rhythmic rituals to cope with labor. This tends to happen in late labor with unmedicated births. Each was different and unexpected, as unique as the mothers themselves. At one labor, I was so happy to see it and know what it meant, where the mother was in her labor, that I started to cry.


• Both women reached a point where they visibly surrendered to labor. They both clearly came to a place where they had to fight it or give in; they both surrendered, and labored well, even better than before that moment.


• One woman, not fully dilated and with a posterior baby we were trying to rotate, resisted the intense urge to push for more than an hour. The effort nearly made her throw up. I had my hand on her hip, pressing to ease the back pain, and I felt how powerfully those muscles were working. That she held back at all, especially for as long as it took, is remarkable.


• One woman had her best friend catch the baby and bring the infant up to her.


• I saw a posterior baby turn to anterior just before crowning. I watched the head turn around rapidly, 180 degrees, to the best position just before birth.


• One mother nearly had dystocia, with a baby's shoulders stuck while the head was out, but the baby came free quickly. The mother had no tears or scrapes at all.
  

• I saw struggle, stress, and agony turn to complete exhilaration as a mother held her new baby and realized what she had just done.


• Both women got everything they had discussed with me that they wanted out of their births.
  

What does it mean to me, to be a part of all of this? First of all, I often feel I am nothing more than a witness to miracles. I don't do the birthing work. I try to keep the women anchored, remind them that what they are experiencing is normal and natural, and that it is all to get their babies into their arms. It's very easy to forget these things, even from one contraction to the next.

Other than that, I have become more and more aware of my own powerlessness at births. So much depends on the mothers, on their ability to endure discomfort and uncertainty, to let go and be alright with not controlling what their bodies are doing. That moment of surrender I recognized in each experience is the dividing line between the typical, intellectually- and emotionally-balanced experience, like we have most of the time, every day, like now, and a primal, uninhibited, completely visceral experience, the state that women enter before babies are born. Women in that place often stop caring about things that bothered them before, like whether their bottoms are exposed or worry about pooping or leaking fluid or what kinds of sounds they're making.

None of that has to do with me. It's the mother's journey. I can help her with her breaths, her visualizations, her physical comfort, and establishing an early ritual, but once she reaches the point of surrender, she teaches everyone else what works for her.

Both of these women are made of stronger stuff than anyone could have anticipated. Both went though intensity I cannot imagine to have their babies, their births, in just the way they wanted.

Because of me? Absolutely not.

But I'm so glad I was there.