Every interaction should make society better

Rob and I have had several conversations about economics. One principle that has stood out to me is the idea that all transactions are good if they benefit both parties, because they are making the entire society richer.

I think the same about interpersonal relations. If people come away from the interaction feeling good, it is a benefit to the society at large.

A couple of years ago I became involved in a scorching online blog debate. The other party was an accomplished but stubborn person who had a habit of dismissing those who didn't agree with her and not backing up her arguments. She got to be quite mean. The debate drew a crowd, but it seemed to feed her unpleasantness, and she never apologized nor made any concessions whatsoever. I withdrew rather than engage in what I finally realized was a pointless and one-sided debate.

I recently found this among her writings:

Conflict drives the comments section and makes the post “sticky.” People come back to see what nasty accusations others have flung at me this time and to see whether I tolerate the accusations or make the accuser look foolish. I give as good as I get, and people find that entertaining.

Am I alienating my audience? Certainly I am alienating some people, but, frankly, I’m amazed that people think I am being mean when I respond to ridiculous assertions and vile comments with demands to supply proof. One thing I know for sure, though, is that my audience increases.

And those nasty posts written about me? They are free advertising. I’m surprised that people don’t understand that. Every post written about me is not an insult, but is a small victory. It shows that what I write has hit the mark, has elicited strong feelings, has made people think. And of course every post written about me increases my readership.

Valid points, to be sure. I think that if your goal is to be read by lots of people, and you don't care about how you accomplish it, this is definitely one way to approach it.

But, thinking about how a good transaction benefits all involved, and realizing that the world is indeed short of kindness and warmth by a considerable amount, I have to object.

When coming up against this person, both parties are not edified. There's a good chance that one will leave the interaction angry, frustrated, and feeling unheard. Being provocative is not a status achieved without consequences. Making people feel is not the same as making them think.

It reminds me of this:

The world has enough women who are tough; we need women who are tender. There are enough women who are coarse; we need women who are kind. There are enough women who are rude; we need women who are refined.

~Margaret D. Nadauld

We need to set about making the world better by making our interactions with others positive. If both people come away from a discussion feeling good, they will likely spread that goodness through their interactions with others. The entire society benefits.

What happens when beneficial interactions don't occur? Positive feelings are drained from the world. Perhaps that's a little dramatic, but you see my point.